Relationships of any kind are hard, complex things. And when you have heart like I do, sometimes they feel near impossible. I always kind of related to poor old Mr. Grinch but instead of my heart being two sizes too small, it appears that I have a heart that is two sizes too big. My heart is something that people tell me they love about me, yet when I use it and it appears to be affecting my relationships, sometimes they get angry with me and even scold me for caring too much.
I guess that's the tricky part right? Finding that balance between not caring at all and caring too much. I am someone who loves to help. No matter if I know you, I don't know you, or whatever the situation. I like to help people and I find that even sometimes the best intentions fall short. I often wonder if caring less is something I can fix, something I can change but I'm really starting to questions whether people really do change (including myself).
Which leads me to this:
If this person is important to you and you love them you'll learn to live with it. I firmly believe you can't change a person, they need to make that change on their own, and it's quite possible that they don't want to make that change because they're just fine with how they are anyway. It's not your job to make them better when they don't want your help in the first place. It's only going to end up hurting you and frustrating them in the process.
I've been learning lately that relationships are an intricate give and take interaction that rarely consists of an equal give and take. It is something that is constantly evolving and changing and when life is thrown into the mix it's a wonder we aren't all like the kid from the book "The Other Side of the Mountain".
The relationships in my life that are most important to me are my most precious gifts. I work extremely hard at them and try very hard to create a strong and beautiful relationship no matter who it's with. Ultimately, I can't control others but I can control my own actions, thoughts, feelings, and how I react to how they act. If someone means the world to you then maybe instead of them making changes you can make changes on your own to help better the relationship. Now, this is within reason. I'm talking about little things (the way you think, learning to let some things go, learning that just because you want to help doesn't mean it's welcomed -which is a sad truth in many instances, and learning to accept someone for who they are in that moment-not who you anticipate they could be later on).
Some universal truths I have established for myself are as follows:
1)Don't ever not say you are sorry-even when you don't feel like you should be the one apologizing. Always say sorry because one day you might not get the chance. Even if you say sorry and don't get the response you want, be at peace with yourself because you know you at least tried to fix your wrong.
2)Don't ever take someone trying to help you for granted even if its not what you want to hear and ESPECIALLY if it's hard to hear.
3)Love unconditionally.
4)Own when you hurt someone. When you hurt someone that means they love you enough in the first place for you to even hurt their heart. Earning some one's love takes work it also takes work to keep it and cultivate that love. Don't ever hurt someone and disregard it even if you don't think they should be hurt. If they are, fix it. How dare you misuse some one's love.
5)I don't know if relationships of any kind will be easy things but if someone is important to you and you can't imagine your life without them, you'll work on that relationship, and you'll work to make it good because they are the people who are worth it. Bottom line.
Growing up is tough and I'm struggling like any young person, to continually learn lessons to better myself and positively affect the people in my life through that change. I've made mistakes despite best efforts, and I've made mistakes in spite of horrible intentions but I'm trying [I'm trying really very hard for myself and for those I love to make personal changes and be a better me] and that's all I can do.
