All I Have To Do is Dream

This has been a really stressful semester and I'm only a month in. Needless to say, like every kid in college I dream of not being poor, having nice things, being financially stable, and not having to read text books. When I find myself getting stressed I imagine my wish list. Here are a few things I'm going to reward myself with once I get out of school and have a big kid job and am not little kid poor.

1-AN AMAZING COUCH!! If you know me, you know I love two things above all else=movies and taking naps. Having a bomb couch would be the vessel to which I traveled into these wonderful domains. I can't wait to have a big couch.
2-A new car! Don't get my wrong, Old Yeller is a little beat up, but still running like a boss! It has 106,000 miles on it and it's still kickin! I just can't be driving my yellow car that I got when I was 16 forever:)3-A bathtub! NOT JUST ANY BATHTUB, an old-big-deep bathtub. One I can sit in and be submersed in hot wonderful water in clear up to m neck. O that'll be the day.4-A nice paycheck every month. I can't wait until I actually start generating income and have a thing called a 'savings' account. Every piece of money I scraped and saved and slaved for in high school has long been spent. I'm ready to make it rain.If wishes were fishes, we'd all have our fry! Do work! Your dreams will become reality!

She Gave Up

One of the saddest things you'll ever see is a girl settling for a boy and it's not meant to be. I think it's harder and harder for people to date these days because we live in a society where traditional values and rituals aren't highly practiced and when trying to strive for a more traditional courtship this very thing makes that extremely difficult.

A lot of relationships don't work out for several different reasons but what I see more and more are girls making exceptions for boys even when those reasons are [big] ones. She went back to a boy who was lucky to have her the first time. She gave him a second chance when he never deserved one to begin with.

It's not that upsetting to know that boys can be cruel or that they make horrible hurtful decisions (because at an age where everyone is trying to grow up (or not grow up) trying to participate in an adult thing like a relationship becomes next to impossible) and girls and boys prove this correct all the time. (e.g., O he cheated, O she drank too much, O she was really cruel to me, O he blamed it on alcohol)---the list goes on and on. These things in themselves are not disappointing, what disappoints me is that people go back to ex boyfriends or girlfriends when they know that person doesn't deserve them. By doing it it's like they give up on themselves.

When a girl goes back to a guy who doesn't deserve her these are the things I think:
1-He couldn't possibly be that boy you were dreaming about since you were little because he's already done something big to hurt you so by going back to him it's telling me that you don't think you're good enough to be with someone better.
2-You're insecure. Why sacrifice yourself, your dignity, and knowing what you deserve just not to be alone? Being alone doesn't mean you're lonely; it means you're smart enough to know that there's something better out there and you're patient enough to discover what that is.
3-You don't believe 'that guy' exists so you settle thinking you got close enough. There are several problems with this. 1. Yes, no one is perfect but screwing up big already puts him behind someone who never will. 2.There are amazing guys out there (better than what you have) and because you won't let go you are depriving yourself of even having a CHANCE at meeting one of them.
4-You gave up on yourself. We all make rules and say if he ever____I'd break up with him. Well, emotions get involved and we break promises we make to ourselves. You give up on yourself and if there is anything worse than someone breaking a promise they've made to you, it's breaking one you made to yourself.

I think it's also important for girls and boys alike to remember that you need to be happy and secure with the person you are before you try to be happy and secure with someone else. If you have things you need to work on as an individual don't drag some poor bystander into your rebuilding process. It's not their job to make you better [it's yours].

And for all of those girls that read this and think the classic 'she doesn't know what she's talking about dream guys don't exist, that's a lie, that never happens' I'm saying here and now I've met the most amazing boy I have ever known (next to my father) and the level of respect, kindness, and the chivalry he exhibits is something that astounds me. He treats me like a queen and it's something I never thought was possible. I was like you (a non believer). I was that girl that missed the wrong boy and thought 'o well I'm willing to sacrifice some of the things I know I deserve just because I'm lonely and he's close enough). NO...I thank God every day that all others have forsaken me because it has lead me to him. Without all of that I would have never known what to truly be respected feels like! And when a boy takes care of you, carries things for you, does things without having to be asked, and is not your Dad, it turns your whole world (and anything you've ever believed) upside down. I picture girls I know with boys that don't deserve them and then I compare it to how I feel right in this moment and my heart is so sad for them because they could be sharing this feeling with me and choose not to (by their own will).

There are amazing wonderful people out there. I always told myself that if you are so amazing, great, unique, then there has to be someone else out there (an opposite to balance the universe) that is too. Be patient and wait for what you deserve. And if you ever start doubting that or getting lonely and forget to tell yourself what you deserve have someone you love remind you. You should never have to questions some one's affection or loyalty and you should most certainly, never have to make excuses for the person you love.

You choose who you want to be with. Don't be with someone who doesn't deserve you because when it comes down to it [that's your fault]. Learn from your past to make a better future or just be ok with settling.

There was a quote I read somewhere that I loved:

"I guess you just gotta' ask yourself if you're willing to settle for being alone or not enough." At least if you're alone, there is the promise of having everything your heart ever wanted.

You wouldn't just give your most prized possession to just anyone, so why do we give our hearts to people that don't take care of them? And when they ask for them back after they've broken it and we've fixed it, we hand it over forgetting that they were the reason we had to fix it in the first place. Think about who you give your heart to [it's a precious thing].
Remember-You are beautiful, amazing, one of a kind, and that never goes unnoticed for long.

Different Van Goghs; Same painting

I've met someone who has made my heart so happy. He inspired this blog.

He told me that when I went back to school I'd be having so much fun that I wouldn't even miss him or have time to. I just told him he was wrong because I didn't have enough time to put what I felt into words. Well since then I've been thinking about how to do that and this is what I came up with.

Our lives are like a piece of art, but instead of working on the painting, drawing, or sculpture on our own there are many different people who help to create it. Some people might paint a wrong color leaving us sad and doubtful whether our painting will ever be the same again, some people add something so beautiful to our artwork that it makes us so happy that we found them and that they made a difference no one else could, and then there are those special few that contribute something so rare that when we look at the work they've done we'll forever remember them and know that our painting will forever be changed.

This is what some people need to understand. Your painting might be wonderful and beautiful before they added to it and that is all very well. But now that they have added to it, it's still your painting, but something that will be changed forever.

It's like looking at Van Gogh's Starry Night over the Rhone and realizing that that's the same sky however, there's a new star. It's the sky you've been gazing at all your life but now it's different, that star will always be there and when you look up at it, it serves as a constant reminder of the beautiful person who put it there.

He put a new star in my sky.

Love

There has been a lot of loss lately in my community and because of that I've been trying to take all of that pain and learn something from it. At the heart of every lesson I've tried to grasp is love.

I have never come across anything like love. It is something that can be so complex yet also so simple. It is something that is so fragile, yet so strong. It can be confident yet shy. And mostly, it's one of the most powerful things we have in our lives.

Despite all of these things we fall into routines and lay down on familiarities. We might never question whether someone loves us or not but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be reminded that they do. It is our job to break our routines, dismiss our habits, and make more of a point to love bigger and better (especially for the people in our lives who mean the most to us).

I've always believed there are several different kinds of love and as we live our lives we experience different types. I've experienced first love (young love), the love of an amazing family, oddball love, yet (with the exception of my family) I don't know if I've ever experienced 'true love'. I think of pain experienced and hurt felt and I ask myself, "is that really what love is?" Maybe so, maybe not..but that's what led me to my different types theory. There are all different kinds and maybe the one we should be striving for is the pure true kind.

In any relationship love takes work and over time it doesn't necessarily take more work to love but it takes more work to remember why you fell in love with that person and to keep that love a healthy love. Just like anything love transforms and there are going to be growing pains. Don't forget the lessons love has taught you.

Sadly, we learn the hard way most times and even though love is this great all consuming thing we sometimes find ourselves holding back from it. Please, never do this. Never look back and say I wish I would've loved better or differently. If you love someone (that must mean they are pretty important to you) it's our job to take care of the important people in our lives.

Recently, I've found myself so in like with someone. He is just the best person I've ever met and if I were to sit here and say that it doesn't scare me a little that would be a lie. I've just been being patient and letting things play out but something happened and I just told him exactly how I felt. I was scared for a few seconds but then I felt this great sense of peace in my heart because I knew no matter his response that he knew the truth. That he knew how I felt and that I told him and I TOOK the chance to tell him. It's true when they say moments will pass you by. They are there for the taking so take them. It's like every time you declare what's in your heart this energy in released into the universe and no matter the outcome, there is this sense of balance because instead of your heart baring a secret, it's sharing a truth with the cosmos.

Love conquers all, even death. Love is something we carry in us no matter where the person is. And I don't know what happens once we die (I have my own beliefs) and if I really do get to experience eternal life my heart is so happy knowing that the love I experienced on Earth will be waiting for me when I get there.

Take the time do something special for those you love. It can be as little as telling them good morning or sending them a card. Love is a most precious gift that is so easy to give. Never question giving to others, just do.