"It’s possible to stay in love, but it takes more than fireworks. Falling in love only requires a pulse. Staying in love requires a plan."

"It’s possible to stay in love, but it takes more than fireworks. Falling in love only requires a pulse. Staying in love requires a plan."

A friend of mine came up with this and posted it on facebook the other day. Ever since I read it, it's been something I've been pondering.

Number one, I'm a plan person. Planning is what I do best. I even try to plan my life, every detail, all of it. As you all my know that even our best laid plans do not work out and that despite our best efforts life takes us where it wants us to go without really asking our opinions. So when I saw the word plan in this quote I found new meaning in the word.

I think a good synonym for the word plan in this quote should be devotion. It's not talking about plan in the sense you plan on being with someone for X amount of years, it's not saying you plan on moving here with this person or going there with this person, it's not saying you plan on spending your forever with this person. What it's saying is staying in love, cultivating real love, and taking care of that love requires you to plan on being devoted to another. An active thought process in which you continually think (plan) on how best to love that person. A day by day, week by week effort. One which is constantly changing, evolving, and growing. Bottom line, if you don't plan on persistently applying your best efforts in a relationship through thought, words, and above all actions, then what's the use?

It is true, sometimes there is an unexplainable and underlying connection you make with another. A rare connection that you do not find with many but that's only the beginning. Anything good in your life takes hard work to attain or sustain. Love is no different. If you've been given the amazing gift of finding this connection then don't lay down and become indolent. We take advantage of relationships in our lives assuming that they're always going to be there....until one day they aren't. I tell everyone to ask themselves if they are a blessing in every life they touch. If the answer is no in some cases, then they need to figure out how to become one.

People always say that the love in the movies doesn't exist. It's just a movie. You're filling your head with hopeless thoughts and unrealistic ideas. I don't buy it. Love is something you create. It's not that this love doesn't exist, it's that all too often these days no one wants to put in the effort to create this love. Astonishing, soulful, once in a lifetime, kind of love. How hard would it be to buy a birthday cake, light candles, and sit on a kitchen table for some one's birthday? How hard would it be to dance in the middle of a street on your way home from a date? How hard would it be to stand outside some one's window with a boom-box playing a love song? Or taking a night and helping them check things off on their bucket list? I'll answer it for you, not hard at all. You have the chance to create something beautiful and then share that with someone. Love is simply, understanding how to best love the person you love. Love like this takes a plan. A thoughtful plan of devotion, diligence, and effort.

I was at a wedding this weekend and the reverend made a valid point. Relationships aren't 50/50 they are are 100/100. Always plan on giving 100% no matter what.

Count Qualities not Calories

To be completely honest, I've been struggling a lot with body image lately. I don't think I'm alone on that mark either. I seem to do really good for a couple weeks, work out, begin to eat better, and then I get on the scale and time after time I am discouraged. It seems lately it's a lot harder to drop weight when even just six months ago I could drop a few here a few there and not think twice about it. As I was dripping sweat tonight I kind of got mad at myself. I am letting a little number make me hate the way I look and because of that every time I look in the mirror I get a distorted view of myself. I decided instead of counting calories or numbers on the scale that I'd try these things for awhile:

1-Ditch the scale. I'm not saying ditch my workout schedule or trying to eat healthy when I can, I'm just saying I can tell when I feel better physically and I'm going to try to start holding on to that not letting outside factors take it away (like the scale).

2-Stop picking apart bits and pieces of myself rather try to feel beautiful as a whole. I think as women we sometimes constantly strive for our idea of perfection instead of feeling more comfortable with the beautiful qualities we already have. I always say well if this were a little tighter, or if this little bit of my stomach would tone a little more, or maybe if I could lose some weight around my legs I'd feel better. I need to work on celebrating the good parts of my body not constantly creating bad ones.

3-Keep positive role models in my mind. I don't think genetically I was meant to be stick thin. I've got wide hips, I've got curve to my thighs, and I've got a butt. I love seeing women in the media who celebrate their bodies.

What up Kate Upton?

"I won't starve to be thin."

O hey, Miranda Lambert

"I don't care about being stick-thin. I don't want stuff to jiggle. Really skinny actresses make me hungry—I see them and think, Honey, you need to eat! I'm lucky I don't have to live like that. I feel my best when I'm a toned, not flabby, size 8. Women come up to me and say, 'You're beautiful and confident, and that makes me feel I can be, too.'"

I love seeing these women, they inspire me, they help me feel more positive about myself, and they make me feel beautiful! Any time I need that extra push I'll keep these two beautiful ladies in mind!

4-Not give up on my workouts. Yes everyone has different body types but working out doesn't just have to be because of cosmetic reasons. Most importantly, it's to remain healthy. While it's important to love your body and be comfortable in your own skin, it's paramount that it's a healthy body that you're falling in love with.

-and-

5-Every time I say a negative thing about my body I am going to say one compliment to myself out-loud. I know it's cliche, but I need to start realizing everything on my outside will never come close to the amazing things I have on the inside. I don't know why we let ourselves say the nasty things we do but I've come to the conclusion:

To have a healthy body I need to have a healthy mind.

[that starts with me and no where else].

 

Relationships

Most people on this planet have at least one relationship in their lives AT LEAST one. Whether it's a family member, friend, lover, work colleague, class mate..whatever, there is a connection that most individuals share with at least one other person. Most people have a million of these connections all differing in type and the unique impact it has on their lives. Really, our relationships make up the bulk of our lives. It's not so much what we're doing but who's around us doing it too.

Relationships of any kind are hard, complex things. And when you have  heart like I do, sometimes they feel near impossible. I always kind of related to poor old Mr. Grinch but instead of my heart being two sizes too small, it appears that I have a heart that is two sizes too big. My heart is something that people tell me they love about me, yet when I use it and it appears to be affecting my relationships, sometimes they get angry with me and even scold me for caring too much.

I guess that's the tricky part right? Finding that balance between not caring at all and caring too much. I am someone who loves to help. No matter if I know you, I don't know you, or whatever the situation. I like to help people and I find that even sometimes the best intentions fall short. I often wonder if caring less is something I can fix, something I can change but I'm really starting to questions whether people really do change (including myself).

Which leads me to this:

If this person is important to you and you love them you'll learn to live with it. I firmly believe you can't change a person, they need to make that change on their own, and it's quite possible that they don't want to make that change because they're just fine with how they are anyway. It's not your job to make them better when they don't want your help in the first place. It's only going to end up hurting you and frustrating them in the process.

I've been learning lately that relationships are an intricate give and take interaction that rarely consists of an equal give and take. It is something that is constantly evolving and changing and when life is thrown into the mix it's a wonder we aren't all like the kid from the book "The Other Side of the Mountain".

The relationships in my life that are most important to me are my most precious gifts. I work extremely hard at them and try very hard to create a strong and beautiful relationship no matter who it's with. Ultimately, I can't control others but I can control my own actions, thoughts, feelings, and how I react to how they act. If someone means the world to you then maybe instead of them making changes you can make changes on your own to help better the relationship. Now, this is within reason. I'm talking about little things (the way you think, learning to let some things go, learning that just because you want to help doesn't mean it's welcomed -which is a sad truth in many instances, and learning to accept someone for who they are in that moment-not who you anticipate they could be later on).

Some universal truths I have established for myself are as follows:
1)Don't ever not say you are sorry-even when you don't feel like you should be the one apologizing. Always say sorry because one day you might not get the chance. Even if you say sorry and don't get the response you want, be at peace with yourself because you know you at least tried to fix your wrong.

2)Don't ever take someone trying to help you for granted even if its not what you want to hear and ESPECIALLY if it's hard to hear.

3)Love unconditionally.

4)Own when you hurt someone. When you hurt someone that means they love you enough in the first place for you to even hurt their heart. Earning some one's love takes work it also takes work to keep it and cultivate that love. Don't ever hurt someone and disregard it even if you don't think they should be hurt. If they are, fix it. How dare you misuse some one's love.

5)I don't know if relationships of any kind will be easy things but if someone is important to you and you can't imagine your life without them, you'll work on that relationship, and you'll work to make it good because they are the people who are worth it. Bottom line.

Growing up is tough and I'm struggling like any young person, to continually learn lessons to better myself and positively affect the people in my life through that change. I've made mistakes despite best efforts, and I've made mistakes in spite of horrible intentions but I'm trying [I'm trying really very hard for myself and for those I love to make personal changes and be a better me] and that's all I can do.

A Love Story

When life gets a little crazy I think it's important to not forget what's most important to us.

This is something that's most important to me.

I am as hopeless as they come as far as hopeless romantics go..I love [love], I believe in soul mates, true love, fairy tales, a Noah and Allie romance. You name it, I believe in it. I've had my fair share of heartbreak and many doses of realism when it comes to relationships but despite all that hurt and all that disappointment when something came out less than magical- I never stopped believing.

Now, just because I didn't stop believing didn't mean that I believed something like that would happen [to me] because I didn't. I knew love like that existed it just wasn't something I thought would realistically be a part of my story.

Chapter 1 The Wish

I showed up to the bar the Wednesday before Thanksgiving  like any other time I showed up to a bar last semester. I was dressed to kill and single and ready to mingle! Needless to say I was ready to have a good time! Flirt with some guys, drink my drink, maybe play some shuffle board, dance, and enjoy the night! I was standing near the bar when my best friend Kelly announced that it was 11:11pm and he told me to make a wish. I closed my eyes really tight and this is what I wished for:

Please, please just send me a NICE guy. Someone who I can be incredibly happy with and who will love me like I've never been loved before!

*good thing I made this wish when I did because as the night progressed I would have been waaaaayy to intoxicated to think on the spot like that * :)

So a little after this happened I spotted him. There he was. From across the room I spotted the Gage Roelle. I sauntered-I stress saunter because in my mind I pictured it looking so cool (it probably didn't) over to him not really expecting anything out of it other than just to flirt with a cute boy but as I said, "Hey are you Gage Roelle?" and he replied "Yes I am" something horrible happened..something terrible and beautiful and tragic..something I was not expecting..HE SMILED AT ME. Yes, it was from this point on I was DONE FOR...ROASTED-DONE!

Chapter 2 The First Date

Let me start this out by saying I am a pretty confident girl but I have never been so nervous for a first date in my entire life! I was sweating, I got ready like an hour early, and on top of it all I was stumbling over my words the entire time at dinner. I couldn't even explain what a cochlear implant was (and for those of you who know me know that I am a graduate student and majoring in that hahah). Boy, all I could do was look at him and he just kept smiling at me and all I could think was WOW HE IS SO HANDSOME. I made a couple lame 80's jokes later that night while we were watching a movie. He didn't get the first so I don't know why I felt I should go for round 2 but I did and he didn't get that one either haha! Then that time came at the end of the night where I had to walk him to the front door. That infamous are you going to kiss or are you not going to kiss moment. I thought I was nervous at the beginning of the date? Yeah multiply that by ten and you got how nervous I was at that very moment. I am 22 yrs old and I felt 13. I felt like a 13 yr old walking to the infinite doom known as her first kiss. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kiss him. I couldn't muster up any more courage than I had. As I gave him a hug and watched him walk away I thought WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!? YOU ARE KILLING ME KATIE! THAT WAS GAGE ROELLE!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? THAT COULD'VE BEEN YOUR ONLY CHANCE!

Chapter 3 Here and Now

Don't freak out everyone!! Don't worry! I finally did get my first kiss with him and it was a great one! It was worth the wait! That was December and now it is almost May! Gage and I have been dating for nearly five months and I can't believe almost half a year has gone by! These past five months have been such a wonderful gift to me and through learning about the person Gage is and growing together in a relationship I have discovered that he is my once and a life time love. I don't think I have ever truly known or felt what love really meant until I have embarked on this relationship with him.Gage treats me better than I ever expected to be treated by someone (let alone a young man of 22). He is such a gentleman and does so much for me and things that no other person has. He has so much respect for me and because he is so thoughtful I respect him more than I have ever respected another. I admire the person Gage is and the person he tries to be. He has changed my heart forever and until the day I die he will always have a special place in it.

Chapter 4 For You

Dear Gage,

Thank you. Thank you for being you, for loving me, for treating me the way I deserve to be treated, and for realizing that I'm worth it (even when I'm being difficult). You are my best friend (we can do stuff like climb hay stacks, shoot your .22, and talk about Boondock Saints) and you are my boyfriend (you open doors for me, get mad at me when I try to open them for you, hug me when I'm sad, and kiss me and make me happy) I have the best of both worlds and I found that in you. I am very proud of how hard you work and your determination to meet your goals. I admire your honesty and your beautiful innocence :) and that you get embarrassed easily! I want you to know that I love you just the way you are and I never imagined I'd ever be with someone who I felt was my equal or my perfect match. You are wonderful and you are [mine]--now that's the most wonderful part of all!

Don't go changin',
Kate


Chapter 5-?

Who knows where this story is going or how many chapters it has left. All I know is that I feel so blessed God has not only created a person like this, but that he has put him in my life. The story isn't about how many pages it is, it's about what's on them. Gage has given me so many beautiful pages and even if this book were to end tomorrow, I'd cherish these words and be thankful for the few that I have.

This Crazy Thing Called Life

I've been having a rough time of things lately (let's get real, I've been having a rough three months lately) and I decided I need to get back to the things that help me deal with that.

I thought of two: exercise and writing---> you obviously know which I chose to do tonight!

I put really high expectations on myself because that's just how I am and that's what I expect. When others let me down, I know I'll never let myself down because I put these ridiculously high standards in place that I intend to meet. More and more lately I've been so disappointed with test grades, adviser comments, and assignments. You name it, I've worked really hard and gotten an average grade on it. That's the thing that makes me most upset..I don't work to be average, I work to be great...but all anyone seems to be telling me lately is that I'm just OK, just average. Run of the mill, average Katie. I've cried more these past three months than I have this past year.

People say to me, 'so what?' 'big deal' 'I can't believe you're upset about that' and what they don't understand is that I am upset about it, I'm very upset about it. Hard work is something that is a golden constant in my life and having to learn that sometimes hard work doesn't pay off in the way you wanted it to (or produce immediate effects) is a very hard thing. When my hard work doesn't pay off in that 'a' I get upset because I don't work as hard as I do wanting anything less.

It's like I have this internal cloud hanging over my insides and raining all over them. Just when I think the weather is about to clear up a new storm develops leaving me stressed, sad, and cold.


I haven't been my normal happy lovin' life self for about a month now so I think it's time to do some brain storming and figure out how to fix that. After all, I'm a big believer in happiness is something you create and work hard to attain so here are some things you can try to do if you've been having a rough time too:

1-I'm going to read for pleasure more
2-Get more sleep
3-Try to form some sort of regular schedule
4-Start running again now that things have slowed down
5-Write more
6-Learn to make more delicious desserts (which I will undoubtedly taste test)
7-Sing more (I really liked doing that and made me laugh)
8-Tell people I love them more
9-Get back to doing one nice thing for someone a week
10-Compliment myself more

Through this  horrible hellish three months of a semester there have been two people who have been there for me more than I could have ever asked. 1) My mom 2) Gage. Every time I've called my mom crying or upset she drops whatever it is she's doing to offer comforting words and remind me of all of the beautiful things she sees in me that maybe I haven't seen in myself for awhile. Gage..what to say about him. Out of the two of us when I'm frantic and stressed it's nice to have one level head and a continual support system. He never judges me and when I've needed it most (and when it's most difficult) he's managed to bring a smile to my face. I am very thankful for these two people above all the past few weeks because they have been the ones getting me through it. Thank you both and I love you both very much.

 Life can get a little crazy thus, we can get a little crazy but never forget to ground yourself in what's most important. Family, Friends, Faith, and Love. Test grades will come and go but family and friends are forever. It is important to set goals and work hard towards them but don't forget to work hard at the other stuff you don't get graded on. I think it's also important to remember that not everyone is the same and that just because you put high expectations on yourself that every one's standards are different. I don't like when people make fun of me or don't understand me when mine are high so I should be more lenient and realize that just because theirs do not match my own mean theirs are any less. I put enough pressure on myself, I don't need to be putting any on other people.

Hang in there! Times get tough for everyone! It isn't so much about the difficulty level of the lessons so much as long as you're learning from them!

It Doesn't Take Much

Tuesday I called my pharmacist to refill my prescription. Now, you'd think this was a pretty normal run of the mill chore, however, this simple act made my day.

My pharmacist's name is John. John is one of those people who is so genuinely kind that it just radiates out of him. He takes the time to know each and every person who comes into his pharmacy and knows all of his clients by their first names. This is how our conversation went on Tuesday morning.

John-Sunmart Pharmacy, this is John how may I help you?
Me-Hey John this is Katelyn C..I need to refill my prescription!
John-O HEY KATELYN! I'll get that in for ya! Will you be in later today to pick it up?
Me-Yes! I'll swing by later!
John-I'll have it ready!
Me-Awesome! Thank you so much!
John-NO YOU'RE AWESOME!

This little thirty second conversation put a gigantic smile on my face and left me happy for a good half of the day. When I went in to pick up my prescription I made sure to tell John what a difference he always makes in my day and that his kindness makes a difference in my life.

The reason I wanted to share this story with you all is because
[IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH]
to make someone' s day or make a positive impact on some one's life.

I think sometimes we get so caught up in thinking about grand gestures or the motto 'the bigger the better' when really, it's something as simple as going out of your way to compliment someone and throw an extra bit of kindness their way over something as simple as the telephone! It's so very easy to get caught up in life (especially with how fast paced our world seems to have gotten) but it doesn't take a ton of time to speak kind words, hold a door for someone who has their hands full, or tell someone you love them.

I guess why I'm writing this is to tell you (whoever you are) to do something kind for someone this week. One thing I've learned is that the best road and most profitable way to attain happiness is by giving it to others. Below are a few short notes to a few people I love (my way of saying thank you for being an important part of my life and I hope this warms your heart and puts a smile on your face).

Tessa-Let's be honest, we have our bumps in the road (but) I don't want you to ever forget you are one of the most important people in my life and if ever it seems I'm hard on you it's because I want better for you and I want you to be better than I was at eighteen:) I question your decision making capabilities sometimes (haha) but also find myself being so proud of the decisions you make and the path you're blazing for yourself! You've been working so hard to reach your goals of having a successful modeling career and I know if you keep at it, it will pay off (for us both;) haha. I love you so much and can't wait to see you again!-Kate
Ken-Ken you are my best friend. We are one in the same (ok, so you're a little more crazy than I am) but I want you to know the memories I've made with you will be memories I carry with me throughout the rest of my life! I admire your open mindedness and your ability to put things in perspective for me when I'm freaking out. O yeah, I also LOVE your cooking:)-I'm telling you Ken you could probably make some bomb dishes with some SPAM! Thank you for everything you do for me!-KateGage-You've made such an impact in the short few months of my life that I have known you and it makes me wonder what my soul or heart ever did without you. Or why I couldn't have met you when I was sixteen:) haha You make me want to be better not only for you but for myself as well. I see positive changes in myself and I know that you've brought some of them about (my increased cooking ability for one*note I said increased not good) haha I respect and look up to you very much and appreciate all you do for me (e.g., park in a parking space that doesn't have ice in it so that I don't have to walk on ice haha-or really maybe you just did that because you know how clumsy I am). Just know I miss you every second that I am not with you and that you are my best friend! Keep up the good work:)-KateMom-I know I don't always say it enough but I love you very much and appreciate how much care you take of your family and your other little family (aka Grandma who is as much work as a second family:) haha You are a very hard worker and do a lot for the ones you love. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings sometimes and I'm trying to learn from those lessons and do better next time. I want you to know you're one of the few people on this Earth I laugh the most with and I'll admit you show me a thing or two about havin fun and kicking a few back (I'm never trying to go drink for drink with you ever again) haha. I love you very much and I'll see you soon!-Kate

He is the boy they write stories about.

Something terrifying has been going on..I think I'm falling in love.

There's this boy you see and I wasn't looking for this and I wasn't expecting this but now, it's everything I've realized I ever wanted.

But unlike my previous experiences, this is different, [he is different].

I used to have this theory that there were different kinds of love but the past few months I've started to wonder if I ever really had love, was in love, or was loved before him. I probably won't do this justice by trying to put into words how it feels but I'm sure going to try.

For the first time in my life I feel that I'm with someone who celebrates parts of me that others didn't understand or didn't like about me. Someone who just doesn't 'tell' me he respects me but 'shows' me and when I'm with him nothing else is as important as being in that moment and not taking advantage of even a second of that time. He is the boy they write stories about.

I'll be the first to admit that I am someone who tries so hard to see the good in others she overlooks the bad and you may very well think 'how could she possibly know this about him after only knowing him a few months' but if you've met him you know that he is every bit of good he appears to be. And honestly, maybe it is a little crazy, and you can doubt me if you wish but I know in my heart that he is someone I will always be proud of, will always respect, and someone who will try his best to be everything I deserve [always].

You can imagine that it is a little bit overwhelming for me to realize what an amazing and [rare] gift I have been given. It's times like these and people like these that make me realize it only takes one person to impact someone else's life [and impact it forever]. I've never been lucky in love and the consequences of loss are not a distant memory and if there ever comes a day when this person isn't a part of my life I know, on that day, my life will be changed forever. [I will be changed forever]. Think it silly if you must but I can only say you have not felt what I've felt, seen what I've seen, or experienced what I've lived. You read, hear, see things about soul mates and fairy-tales and miracles all of the time. What if this is my fairytale? What if for once, I've experienced the exception, not the rule? It is the magnitude of this immense wondering that leaves me terrified. What if it doesn't get better than this? What if I lose the best thing I'd ever have. I've usually been on the opposite end of this and to now be in this position I can only imagine how terrifying it must be or feel.

I've been on my own for a long time (for the most part) and when I was in the worst place in my life I promised myself to rely on me, that I was going to have to stop relying on others, make myself better, and learn how to be happy on my own. I poured so much energy and time into making myself better that I developed habits, tendencies, and became used to a lifestyle where the only person I had to care or think about was myself. I've already made some mistakes with him because of it and unlike past flames, for the first time in my life, I realized that he was more important than those habits. My decisions that I make now effect another person whether it be indirectly or directly and because he means more to me than anyone has I've realized there are things I need to change about myself and my lifestyle to be everything [he deserves]. It's not like I'm giving anything up, it's more like I'm changing myself for the better because finally someone has come along who is worth changing for. That's the biggest thing I want others to remember. When you agree to enter into a relationship, from then on out, your decisions effect another and you need to ask yourself if you are making the right ones. Don't take advantage of the amazing gift you've been given, or lose that gift, all because you didn't take the time to say no to past tendencies and break old habits.

It is my wish that everyone I love be able to experience this feeling. It's like I'm on the verge of one of the biggest adventures of my life, completely blind to the paths I'll travel or the obstacles along the way....but feel an overwhelming sense of peace because this person isn't only a boyfriend or a date...he is a friend.

You can choose the way you love someone. Despite your fear of being hurt, fear of being changed forever, you choose how you love. You can be scared [and it's alright] but you can also love greater and bigger than you ever have at the same time [and never forget that].

"In your presence I fell more in love with the best of myself. That was your gift."-William Cummings

Be with someone who makes you want to be better, someone who makes you want to work to be better, not someone who you want to make better. Be with someone who pushes to bring out your inner beauty and rejoice in it. Always remember what your beautiful heart deserves and if you meet someone who deserves that gift, that you never lose sight of everything they deserve in return.

-He makes me smile-

All I Have To Do is Dream

This has been a really stressful semester and I'm only a month in. Needless to say, like every kid in college I dream of not being poor, having nice things, being financially stable, and not having to read text books. When I find myself getting stressed I imagine my wish list. Here are a few things I'm going to reward myself with once I get out of school and have a big kid job and am not little kid poor.

1-AN AMAZING COUCH!! If you know me, you know I love two things above all else=movies and taking naps. Having a bomb couch would be the vessel to which I traveled into these wonderful domains. I can't wait to have a big couch.
2-A new car! Don't get my wrong, Old Yeller is a little beat up, but still running like a boss! It has 106,000 miles on it and it's still kickin! I just can't be driving my yellow car that I got when I was 16 forever:)3-A bathtub! NOT JUST ANY BATHTUB, an old-big-deep bathtub. One I can sit in and be submersed in hot wonderful water in clear up to m neck. O that'll be the day.4-A nice paycheck every month. I can't wait until I actually start generating income and have a thing called a 'savings' account. Every piece of money I scraped and saved and slaved for in high school has long been spent. I'm ready to make it rain.If wishes were fishes, we'd all have our fry! Do work! Your dreams will become reality!

She Gave Up

One of the saddest things you'll ever see is a girl settling for a boy and it's not meant to be. I think it's harder and harder for people to date these days because we live in a society where traditional values and rituals aren't highly practiced and when trying to strive for a more traditional courtship this very thing makes that extremely difficult.

A lot of relationships don't work out for several different reasons but what I see more and more are girls making exceptions for boys even when those reasons are [big] ones. She went back to a boy who was lucky to have her the first time. She gave him a second chance when he never deserved one to begin with.

It's not that upsetting to know that boys can be cruel or that they make horrible hurtful decisions (because at an age where everyone is trying to grow up (or not grow up) trying to participate in an adult thing like a relationship becomes next to impossible) and girls and boys prove this correct all the time. (e.g., O he cheated, O she drank too much, O she was really cruel to me, O he blamed it on alcohol)---the list goes on and on. These things in themselves are not disappointing, what disappoints me is that people go back to ex boyfriends or girlfriends when they know that person doesn't deserve them. By doing it it's like they give up on themselves.

When a girl goes back to a guy who doesn't deserve her these are the things I think:
1-He couldn't possibly be that boy you were dreaming about since you were little because he's already done something big to hurt you so by going back to him it's telling me that you don't think you're good enough to be with someone better.
2-You're insecure. Why sacrifice yourself, your dignity, and knowing what you deserve just not to be alone? Being alone doesn't mean you're lonely; it means you're smart enough to know that there's something better out there and you're patient enough to discover what that is.
3-You don't believe 'that guy' exists so you settle thinking you got close enough. There are several problems with this. 1. Yes, no one is perfect but screwing up big already puts him behind someone who never will. 2.There are amazing guys out there (better than what you have) and because you won't let go you are depriving yourself of even having a CHANCE at meeting one of them.
4-You gave up on yourself. We all make rules and say if he ever____I'd break up with him. Well, emotions get involved and we break promises we make to ourselves. You give up on yourself and if there is anything worse than someone breaking a promise they've made to you, it's breaking one you made to yourself.

I think it's also important for girls and boys alike to remember that you need to be happy and secure with the person you are before you try to be happy and secure with someone else. If you have things you need to work on as an individual don't drag some poor bystander into your rebuilding process. It's not their job to make you better [it's yours].

And for all of those girls that read this and think the classic 'she doesn't know what she's talking about dream guys don't exist, that's a lie, that never happens' I'm saying here and now I've met the most amazing boy I have ever known (next to my father) and the level of respect, kindness, and the chivalry he exhibits is something that astounds me. He treats me like a queen and it's something I never thought was possible. I was like you (a non believer). I was that girl that missed the wrong boy and thought 'o well I'm willing to sacrifice some of the things I know I deserve just because I'm lonely and he's close enough). NO...I thank God every day that all others have forsaken me because it has lead me to him. Without all of that I would have never known what to truly be respected feels like! And when a boy takes care of you, carries things for you, does things without having to be asked, and is not your Dad, it turns your whole world (and anything you've ever believed) upside down. I picture girls I know with boys that don't deserve them and then I compare it to how I feel right in this moment and my heart is so sad for them because they could be sharing this feeling with me and choose not to (by their own will).

There are amazing wonderful people out there. I always told myself that if you are so amazing, great, unique, then there has to be someone else out there (an opposite to balance the universe) that is too. Be patient and wait for what you deserve. And if you ever start doubting that or getting lonely and forget to tell yourself what you deserve have someone you love remind you. You should never have to questions some one's affection or loyalty and you should most certainly, never have to make excuses for the person you love.

You choose who you want to be with. Don't be with someone who doesn't deserve you because when it comes down to it [that's your fault]. Learn from your past to make a better future or just be ok with settling.

There was a quote I read somewhere that I loved:

"I guess you just gotta' ask yourself if you're willing to settle for being alone or not enough." At least if you're alone, there is the promise of having everything your heart ever wanted.

You wouldn't just give your most prized possession to just anyone, so why do we give our hearts to people that don't take care of them? And when they ask for them back after they've broken it and we've fixed it, we hand it over forgetting that they were the reason we had to fix it in the first place. Think about who you give your heart to [it's a precious thing].
Remember-You are beautiful, amazing, one of a kind, and that never goes unnoticed for long.

Different Van Goghs; Same painting

I've met someone who has made my heart so happy. He inspired this blog.

He told me that when I went back to school I'd be having so much fun that I wouldn't even miss him or have time to. I just told him he was wrong because I didn't have enough time to put what I felt into words. Well since then I've been thinking about how to do that and this is what I came up with.

Our lives are like a piece of art, but instead of working on the painting, drawing, or sculpture on our own there are many different people who help to create it. Some people might paint a wrong color leaving us sad and doubtful whether our painting will ever be the same again, some people add something so beautiful to our artwork that it makes us so happy that we found them and that they made a difference no one else could, and then there are those special few that contribute something so rare that when we look at the work they've done we'll forever remember them and know that our painting will forever be changed.

This is what some people need to understand. Your painting might be wonderful and beautiful before they added to it and that is all very well. But now that they have added to it, it's still your painting, but something that will be changed forever.

It's like looking at Van Gogh's Starry Night over the Rhone and realizing that that's the same sky however, there's a new star. It's the sky you've been gazing at all your life but now it's different, that star will always be there and when you look up at it, it serves as a constant reminder of the beautiful person who put it there.

He put a new star in my sky.

Love

There has been a lot of loss lately in my community and because of that I've been trying to take all of that pain and learn something from it. At the heart of every lesson I've tried to grasp is love.

I have never come across anything like love. It is something that can be so complex yet also so simple. It is something that is so fragile, yet so strong. It can be confident yet shy. And mostly, it's one of the most powerful things we have in our lives.

Despite all of these things we fall into routines and lay down on familiarities. We might never question whether someone loves us or not but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be reminded that they do. It is our job to break our routines, dismiss our habits, and make more of a point to love bigger and better (especially for the people in our lives who mean the most to us).

I've always believed there are several different kinds of love and as we live our lives we experience different types. I've experienced first love (young love), the love of an amazing family, oddball love, yet (with the exception of my family) I don't know if I've ever experienced 'true love'. I think of pain experienced and hurt felt and I ask myself, "is that really what love is?" Maybe so, maybe not..but that's what led me to my different types theory. There are all different kinds and maybe the one we should be striving for is the pure true kind.

In any relationship love takes work and over time it doesn't necessarily take more work to love but it takes more work to remember why you fell in love with that person and to keep that love a healthy love. Just like anything love transforms and there are going to be growing pains. Don't forget the lessons love has taught you.

Sadly, we learn the hard way most times and even though love is this great all consuming thing we sometimes find ourselves holding back from it. Please, never do this. Never look back and say I wish I would've loved better or differently. If you love someone (that must mean they are pretty important to you) it's our job to take care of the important people in our lives.

Recently, I've found myself so in like with someone. He is just the best person I've ever met and if I were to sit here and say that it doesn't scare me a little that would be a lie. I've just been being patient and letting things play out but something happened and I just told him exactly how I felt. I was scared for a few seconds but then I felt this great sense of peace in my heart because I knew no matter his response that he knew the truth. That he knew how I felt and that I told him and I TOOK the chance to tell him. It's true when they say moments will pass you by. They are there for the taking so take them. It's like every time you declare what's in your heart this energy in released into the universe and no matter the outcome, there is this sense of balance because instead of your heart baring a secret, it's sharing a truth with the cosmos.

Love conquers all, even death. Love is something we carry in us no matter where the person is. And I don't know what happens once we die (I have my own beliefs) and if I really do get to experience eternal life my heart is so happy knowing that the love I experienced on Earth will be waiting for me when I get there.

Take the time do something special for those you love. It can be as little as telling them good morning or sending them a card. Love is a most precious gift that is so easy to give. Never question giving to others, just do.