A Love Story

When life gets a little crazy I think it's important to not forget what's most important to us.

This is something that's most important to me.

I am as hopeless as they come as far as hopeless romantics go..I love [love], I believe in soul mates, true love, fairy tales, a Noah and Allie romance. You name it, I believe in it. I've had my fair share of heartbreak and many doses of realism when it comes to relationships but despite all that hurt and all that disappointment when something came out less than magical- I never stopped believing.

Now, just because I didn't stop believing didn't mean that I believed something like that would happen [to me] because I didn't. I knew love like that existed it just wasn't something I thought would realistically be a part of my story.

Chapter 1 The Wish

I showed up to the bar the Wednesday before Thanksgiving  like any other time I showed up to a bar last semester. I was dressed to kill and single and ready to mingle! Needless to say I was ready to have a good time! Flirt with some guys, drink my drink, maybe play some shuffle board, dance, and enjoy the night! I was standing near the bar when my best friend Kelly announced that it was 11:11pm and he told me to make a wish. I closed my eyes really tight and this is what I wished for:

Please, please just send me a NICE guy. Someone who I can be incredibly happy with and who will love me like I've never been loved before!

*good thing I made this wish when I did because as the night progressed I would have been waaaaayy to intoxicated to think on the spot like that * :)

So a little after this happened I spotted him. There he was. From across the room I spotted the Gage Roelle. I sauntered-I stress saunter because in my mind I pictured it looking so cool (it probably didn't) over to him not really expecting anything out of it other than just to flirt with a cute boy but as I said, "Hey are you Gage Roelle?" and he replied "Yes I am" something horrible happened..something terrible and beautiful and tragic..something I was not expecting..HE SMILED AT ME. Yes, it was from this point on I was DONE FOR...ROASTED-DONE!

Chapter 2 The First Date

Let me start this out by saying I am a pretty confident girl but I have never been so nervous for a first date in my entire life! I was sweating, I got ready like an hour early, and on top of it all I was stumbling over my words the entire time at dinner. I couldn't even explain what a cochlear implant was (and for those of you who know me know that I am a graduate student and majoring in that hahah). Boy, all I could do was look at him and he just kept smiling at me and all I could think was WOW HE IS SO HANDSOME. I made a couple lame 80's jokes later that night while we were watching a movie. He didn't get the first so I don't know why I felt I should go for round 2 but I did and he didn't get that one either haha! Then that time came at the end of the night where I had to walk him to the front door. That infamous are you going to kiss or are you not going to kiss moment. I thought I was nervous at the beginning of the date? Yeah multiply that by ten and you got how nervous I was at that very moment. I am 22 yrs old and I felt 13. I felt like a 13 yr old walking to the infinite doom known as her first kiss. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kiss him. I couldn't muster up any more courage than I had. As I gave him a hug and watched him walk away I thought WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!? YOU ARE KILLING ME KATIE! THAT WAS GAGE ROELLE!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? THAT COULD'VE BEEN YOUR ONLY CHANCE!

Chapter 3 Here and Now

Don't freak out everyone!! Don't worry! I finally did get my first kiss with him and it was a great one! It was worth the wait! That was December and now it is almost May! Gage and I have been dating for nearly five months and I can't believe almost half a year has gone by! These past five months have been such a wonderful gift to me and through learning about the person Gage is and growing together in a relationship I have discovered that he is my once and a life time love. I don't think I have ever truly known or felt what love really meant until I have embarked on this relationship with him.Gage treats me better than I ever expected to be treated by someone (let alone a young man of 22). He is such a gentleman and does so much for me and things that no other person has. He has so much respect for me and because he is so thoughtful I respect him more than I have ever respected another. I admire the person Gage is and the person he tries to be. He has changed my heart forever and until the day I die he will always have a special place in it.

Chapter 4 For You

Dear Gage,

Thank you. Thank you for being you, for loving me, for treating me the way I deserve to be treated, and for realizing that I'm worth it (even when I'm being difficult). You are my best friend (we can do stuff like climb hay stacks, shoot your .22, and talk about Boondock Saints) and you are my boyfriend (you open doors for me, get mad at me when I try to open them for you, hug me when I'm sad, and kiss me and make me happy) I have the best of both worlds and I found that in you. I am very proud of how hard you work and your determination to meet your goals. I admire your honesty and your beautiful innocence :) and that you get embarrassed easily! I want you to know that I love you just the way you are and I never imagined I'd ever be with someone who I felt was my equal or my perfect match. You are wonderful and you are [mine]--now that's the most wonderful part of all!

Don't go changin',
Kate


Chapter 5-?

Who knows where this story is going or how many chapters it has left. All I know is that I feel so blessed God has not only created a person like this, but that he has put him in my life. The story isn't about how many pages it is, it's about what's on them. Gage has given me so many beautiful pages and even if this book were to end tomorrow, I'd cherish these words and be thankful for the few that I have.

This Crazy Thing Called Life

I've been having a rough time of things lately (let's get real, I've been having a rough three months lately) and I decided I need to get back to the things that help me deal with that.

I thought of two: exercise and writing---> you obviously know which I chose to do tonight!

I put really high expectations on myself because that's just how I am and that's what I expect. When others let me down, I know I'll never let myself down because I put these ridiculously high standards in place that I intend to meet. More and more lately I've been so disappointed with test grades, adviser comments, and assignments. You name it, I've worked really hard and gotten an average grade on it. That's the thing that makes me most upset..I don't work to be average, I work to be great...but all anyone seems to be telling me lately is that I'm just OK, just average. Run of the mill, average Katie. I've cried more these past three months than I have this past year.

People say to me, 'so what?' 'big deal' 'I can't believe you're upset about that' and what they don't understand is that I am upset about it, I'm very upset about it. Hard work is something that is a golden constant in my life and having to learn that sometimes hard work doesn't pay off in the way you wanted it to (or produce immediate effects) is a very hard thing. When my hard work doesn't pay off in that 'a' I get upset because I don't work as hard as I do wanting anything less.

It's like I have this internal cloud hanging over my insides and raining all over them. Just when I think the weather is about to clear up a new storm develops leaving me stressed, sad, and cold.


I haven't been my normal happy lovin' life self for about a month now so I think it's time to do some brain storming and figure out how to fix that. After all, I'm a big believer in happiness is something you create and work hard to attain so here are some things you can try to do if you've been having a rough time too:

1-I'm going to read for pleasure more
2-Get more sleep
3-Try to form some sort of regular schedule
4-Start running again now that things have slowed down
5-Write more
6-Learn to make more delicious desserts (which I will undoubtedly taste test)
7-Sing more (I really liked doing that and made me laugh)
8-Tell people I love them more
9-Get back to doing one nice thing for someone a week
10-Compliment myself more

Through this  horrible hellish three months of a semester there have been two people who have been there for me more than I could have ever asked. 1) My mom 2) Gage. Every time I've called my mom crying or upset she drops whatever it is she's doing to offer comforting words and remind me of all of the beautiful things she sees in me that maybe I haven't seen in myself for awhile. Gage..what to say about him. Out of the two of us when I'm frantic and stressed it's nice to have one level head and a continual support system. He never judges me and when I've needed it most (and when it's most difficult) he's managed to bring a smile to my face. I am very thankful for these two people above all the past few weeks because they have been the ones getting me through it. Thank you both and I love you both very much.

 Life can get a little crazy thus, we can get a little crazy but never forget to ground yourself in what's most important. Family, Friends, Faith, and Love. Test grades will come and go but family and friends are forever. It is important to set goals and work hard towards them but don't forget to work hard at the other stuff you don't get graded on. I think it's also important to remember that not everyone is the same and that just because you put high expectations on yourself that every one's standards are different. I don't like when people make fun of me or don't understand me when mine are high so I should be more lenient and realize that just because theirs do not match my own mean theirs are any less. I put enough pressure on myself, I don't need to be putting any on other people.

Hang in there! Times get tough for everyone! It isn't so much about the difficulty level of the lessons so much as long as you're learning from them!