This Crazy Thing Called Life

I've been having a rough time of things lately (let's get real, I've been having a rough three months lately) and I decided I need to get back to the things that help me deal with that.

I thought of two: exercise and writing---> you obviously know which I chose to do tonight!

I put really high expectations on myself because that's just how I am and that's what I expect. When others let me down, I know I'll never let myself down because I put these ridiculously high standards in place that I intend to meet. More and more lately I've been so disappointed with test grades, adviser comments, and assignments. You name it, I've worked really hard and gotten an average grade on it. That's the thing that makes me most upset..I don't work to be average, I work to be great...but all anyone seems to be telling me lately is that I'm just OK, just average. Run of the mill, average Katie. I've cried more these past three months than I have this past year.

People say to me, 'so what?' 'big deal' 'I can't believe you're upset about that' and what they don't understand is that I am upset about it, I'm very upset about it. Hard work is something that is a golden constant in my life and having to learn that sometimes hard work doesn't pay off in the way you wanted it to (or produce immediate effects) is a very hard thing. When my hard work doesn't pay off in that 'a' I get upset because I don't work as hard as I do wanting anything less.

It's like I have this internal cloud hanging over my insides and raining all over them. Just when I think the weather is about to clear up a new storm develops leaving me stressed, sad, and cold.


I haven't been my normal happy lovin' life self for about a month now so I think it's time to do some brain storming and figure out how to fix that. After all, I'm a big believer in happiness is something you create and work hard to attain so here are some things you can try to do if you've been having a rough time too:

1-I'm going to read for pleasure more
2-Get more sleep
3-Try to form some sort of regular schedule
4-Start running again now that things have slowed down
5-Write more
6-Learn to make more delicious desserts (which I will undoubtedly taste test)
7-Sing more (I really liked doing that and made me laugh)
8-Tell people I love them more
9-Get back to doing one nice thing for someone a week
10-Compliment myself more

Through this  horrible hellish three months of a semester there have been two people who have been there for me more than I could have ever asked. 1) My mom 2) Gage. Every time I've called my mom crying or upset she drops whatever it is she's doing to offer comforting words and remind me of all of the beautiful things she sees in me that maybe I haven't seen in myself for awhile. Gage..what to say about him. Out of the two of us when I'm frantic and stressed it's nice to have one level head and a continual support system. He never judges me and when I've needed it most (and when it's most difficult) he's managed to bring a smile to my face. I am very thankful for these two people above all the past few weeks because they have been the ones getting me through it. Thank you both and I love you both very much.

 Life can get a little crazy thus, we can get a little crazy but never forget to ground yourself in what's most important. Family, Friends, Faith, and Love. Test grades will come and go but family and friends are forever. It is important to set goals and work hard towards them but don't forget to work hard at the other stuff you don't get graded on. I think it's also important to remember that not everyone is the same and that just because you put high expectations on yourself that every one's standards are different. I don't like when people make fun of me or don't understand me when mine are high so I should be more lenient and realize that just because theirs do not match my own mean theirs are any less. I put enough pressure on myself, I don't need to be putting any on other people.

Hang in there! Times get tough for everyone! It isn't so much about the difficulty level of the lessons so much as long as you're learning from them!