"She will change me for the better and make me into the guy I will be for the rest of my life."

I had a really nice heart to heart tonight with my best friend Kelly (Kel). Kel and I share something in common-we both know how it feels to have a broken heart and in my times of need he's been there always.

Kel gave me some good advice tonight. So good infact, that I was inspired and decided to write about it. I'll start at the beginning.

"now I have not a lot of time, and enjoy going out with my friends and being a goon and wacky and not caring about the ladies as much, and thus I am certainly certain that one of these days, my childish antics and being a goon will seduce the right one and she will change me for the better and make me into the guy I will be for the rest of my life."

What a beautiful concept! This gave me hope and reminded me that one day someone will find you and on that day [your life will be changed forever...and you'll be ok with it]. How wonderful to find someone that makes you anything and everything God intended you to be. How wonderful to find someone who pushes you to be better and because of them, and your love for them, you want to be that better version of yourself because you know it's what they deserve [and you rather die a thousand deaths than to be anything less than that]. So beautifully put. That is what inspired me.

I think we all know it takes boys a little longer to coming around to the idea of having to 'grow up'. I think some times they have good intentions but do not have the capability to carry them through. I think behind every decent man, there's a girl that he made cry, a girl whose heart he broke. If he's a good guy he'll feel bad about doing so, and hopefully learn for the next time something worth it comes around. That is my hope for every girl who has ever cried over someone, been hurt by someone, missed someone-even though she deserved better. Just because you might have gotten the short end of the stick the first time around, doesn't mean you don't have a good one on his way.

Tonight I told Kelly I was on the fence. On the fence about healing, on the fence about myself and the confidence I have in myself as someone worth loving, on the fence about ever wanting to love again..After being hurt a few times it's hard to decided whether or not taking a chance on someone new is worth it. There's so much to lose, yet so much to gain. It's exciting, but scary, and some times so scary that you might feel it's not worth it. Whenever you start to think that, I want you to remember this:

"...you gotta let it happen if it is going to happen, you cant stop it, but you gotta be able to just burst through that fence that your up against when its time, 9/10 times, I am disappointed, but to be disappointed, you have to be out there trying to be happy."

--"9/10 times I am disappointed, but to be disappointed you have to be out there trying to be happy."

If it's one thing learned about life (especially in the past year) it doesn't care about the plans you've made or the things you want. Life is going to happen regardless. You're not always going to get what you want and you might not understand that what you're getting is exactly what you need. Things don't have to work out every time, they just have to work out once. But they won't even do that if you don't try. I understand better than anyone right now the comfort of being alone, of only having to worry about yourself, but I will also say I believe there is a love out there [a love made for the movies]. Some may call me foolish, some may call me stupid, well go right on ahead it's just who I am. This singular truth I will never stop believing in. I've never had it, I've never felt it (I've felt many different kinds of love just not this one) and despite it all, I'll never give up on it. Never giving up requires me to keep trying. Yea, it's scary, but having lived a life without one of the most beautiful things since the beginning of time [is even scarier].

Take things slow for yourself and your heart and never lose your faith. God works in mysterious ways someone or something will come into your life when you least expect it. The past is an important part of our lives. It's what makes us who we are and teaches us valuable lessons. However, don't let your future pay for your past. Learn your lessons and move on. You have a lot more to learn, don't need to be studying the old books. Open up the new ones. They say you 'can't judge a book by it's cover' so see what' inside.

In times of doubt or when your heart is sad or scared never hesitate to reach out to someone you trust. They will make you laugh, make you cry, renew your faith, and impede your fears. They will remind you of your beliefs and provide new perspectives.

Our hearts get broken so when we put them back together we can leave out some peices that don't belong there anymore and put in new peices that do so that the end result is a new beautiful heart with which to love and live.

Don't ever let fear keep you from using it.